Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
