Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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