maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
