Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
