I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
