Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
