11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
