I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
