I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
