Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
