I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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