Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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