I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
