Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
