My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
