You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
