u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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