I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
