Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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