she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
