Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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