I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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