sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
