I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
