I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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