It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He shit in the fireplace
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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