If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
