guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
