living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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