drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
