He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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