the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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