When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
