If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
