Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No subtext here. People are naked.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
