Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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