you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I checked into jail on foursquare
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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