from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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