Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
