Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
