I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the raccoons are back...
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