ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
