my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
