It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
