cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
