I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
