why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
