I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
