There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
