My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
