The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
