New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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