I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
