Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
